it must have been

by myself in my room
the same room
here in Somers Point

and I had
that one LSD tablet
that one sugar cube

sitting there

waiting for me
to use

Ch. 1

I had done mushrooms
before a dozen times
or so in college
and weed obviously

but LSD that’s
a different animal

I had tried it once
with my friends
about a week or so

Preston Ryan

we sat under the
beach and watched
the dusk roll overhead
night turning into

you can’t
describe it

it was magical

Ch. 2

and here I was now
with this one tablet left
all by myself

Preston and Ryan going off to college
me off to grad school
i couldn’t bring it along that wouldn’t
do and I was leaving so soon
what would I do

I would have
to yes
I would have
to use it
before I left
and this was the only time
the only time available for that

I muster up the courage
heck its only 3am I’m dead tired
but so what what a perfect
time so I thought

to try on my own
this mind-bending

let’s see what you got

Ch. 3

and the sugar dissolves in my
mouth and before you know
it yep there it is
I’m off into this new world
of exploration

never-mind the exhaustion
I hadn’t minded to think
about that before
hand I forgot this isn’t
just some get high for 2 hours
watch a movie and go to sleep sort of thing
this is LSD!

this is a 12 hour thing with a 12 hour after-effect
if you’re lucky

but nevermind no time to think about that
when its already

going going!

Ch. 4

I go to the sink and I look in
and the hairs I think
are moving
yes like many ants hundreds of ants
squiggling squirming in the sink
with the water flowing
around them
washing them down the drain

OK I must really be out of my

focus out


Ch. 5

and the light is coming up
6am or something like that
I go outside and just look
just look at this house this
condo this apartment whatever it is
where I live and breathe and sleep with my father

and I start seeing the future
5 years 10 years down the road its all so clear
to me now

what will happen to him
to me

I can see him dying
I see his demise

I cry

Ch. 6

back in the house
I go to the kitchen to
get something to eat I’m still tripping
but holding it together the best I can a bit afraid
dead tired but hard wired
in for whatever
it’s not really up to me anymore

and that pasta there I open the fridge
its been sitting there for weeks I know
its disgusting bacteria inside who knows
what festering

I don’t want anything to do with it
and I open up the fridge door there
at 7am in the morning

and yes
it falls on the floor
spaghetti everywhere
this disgusting unbelievably disgusting
spaghetti already decaying in this goo this residue
from sitting there for weeks this utterly disgusting

on the floor
splattering all over me
covering me with this disgusting liquidity
these particles of bacteria fungi who knows
micro-organisms my brain imagining
it is so disgusting

Ch. 7

and I’m cleaning it up
and trying not to wake my father
and covered in this slime
and running to the shower
and trying to wash
it off
knowing its impossible

believe me you don’t want to be on a psychadelic
covered in essentially pasta fecal matter
it’s not glorious or

it’s not what you’re looking for
when going on a trip
in the mind

Ch. 8

and my dad’s awake 8am
I go and find him in the bathroom
because I have to have someone to talk to
and he’s blowing himself
with the hair dryer
and preparing himself for the day
and discussing patients and shoving them into
smaller containments of 15 minute sessions
because apparently that’s what’s going on
with his associates
in their business practices

and I talk to him about
this and other things
and we connect and bond in so many ways
non-traditionally and I think he’s happy
to see me awake at such an early hour
though he knows its only because I’ve been up all night

thought he does not know
that I am as high as a fucking kite

Ch. 9

and he goes
to work
and I go to my bedroom
and there I suffer through
the remaining enlightened residue
of this trip
taken without
leaving my house

where not a creature was stirring

not even

a mouse