Sophomore Year

I remember my
sophomore year
as clear as if it were
only 8 years ago
when I was learning
Indian Philosophy
and about Rumi
and exploring
the beat of my
hand drum in between
classes and
late night conversation
sessions.

I remember the ambition
which comes from
this moment
when you think you know
what it is you want to do
but are still unaware
of the inevitable
reality that you do
not control
the world.

I remember the striving
to achieve distinction
amongst my peers
in the eyes of the
administration
and my teachers
so that my career
would be propelled
ahead.

I remember staying
over my girlfriend’s
room and bothering
her friend.

I remember the
relationship’s end
coming to a crash
after return from
a Latin American
adventure
which even the
largest of roses
couldn’t
put back
together.

I remember
thinking conspiracy
theories in the wake
of September 11th
convinced that
there was something
wrong with the world
was an idea
worth looking into.

I remember
blacking out
well not exactly
but you know
what I mean
when there was a keg
of becks dark.
a keg!
and I drank so much
I wound up getting
carried home
and was told the next
day I ran naked
through the dorm.

I remember my friend
three floors above me
was having his own
issues
and there seemed
to be a different
somber mood in the
dorm room which
I tried to shake
out like a rug.

I remember Jake
and Matthew and
how we saw the
locker room as Jocks
do a place to talk
boisterously while
preparing for the big
game
and I remember
there wasn’t a throw
I could not catch.

And I remember
my neighbor
passing out
after a long night out
and so getting
the necessary
writings on his face
which serve
as a reminder
of just how much
you drank
just in case.

And I remember
debating whether
an elephant
dancing around in
the sand
makes art with
its footprints
and other stupid
bullshit
with profundity
beyond the
multi-cultural
requirement.

And I remember
the girl with red hair
who dared
play me in a game
of foosball
which I thought
was real because
I was an idiot
when really
she was flirting
with me.

And I remember
skateboarding to class
and still not having
been hit by a passing car
and concerning myself
with ethical questions
in the abstract.

And I remember
my friend Daniel
who insisted in getting
his time to read
because later in life
all his hours
were believed
to be devoured
by his family
while I went to great lengths
to never be
without his company.

And I remember
being introduced to the documentary
and feeling for the first time
that anger at the world
for why things must
be the way they are
depicted on the screen.

And even then
I did question
the meaning of my supposed
future profession
but the wheels were already
in motion
and so I began
to pursue the golden dream
of being
a professional teacher
whatever that means.

I remember the seems
starting to fall apart
and when I tied them
together again
it wasn’t the same.

I remember making
a name
for myself
by setting up a philosophy
club to discuss
topics of significance
only to the minds
of a few
with nothing better to do.

I remember I took courses
which I can now
no longer remember
so I guess they weren’t
very important
although they were
because they got me
to where I am today
and in theory
where I will be next year
too.

I remember a lot
from my sophomore year
although it’s becoming
increasingly clear that
I do not remember
much more
and therefore
probably the freshman
spring
was becoming
the following
winter.