“Alright, bring him in.”
“Hey man, what’s this about?”
“Sit down Raven… or should I say The Raven?”
“What do you meeeaaaaannnnn…?”
“Well, you are The Raven who broke-and-entered
into the premises of Edgar Allan Poe
are you not?”
“Hey man, I don’t have to tell you anything!”
“Oh… I think you do.
I think you do…
You will if you know what’s good for ya!”
“Hey man, back off OK.
I know my rights.”
“Yea… you know you’re rights huh?
What are you some sort of smart-guy, ehh?
Do you know what they do to cute little
Ravens like you in the ole hen-house?
Ehh… let’s just say you won’t fly straight
for a week!”
“Hey man, you can’t scare me!
Besides… I uhh… I’ve done nothing wrong, man!”
“Oh yea… OK… OK…
so then uhh… you”ll have no problem telling us
where you were last umm… last Friday, will you?”
“Last friday… I was with my mom,
playing Canasta… what’s it to yooooouuuuuu?”
“Heh, playing Canasta my nut-sack!
Don’t fuck with me, OK Raven?
We both know you were in the house of Edgar Allan Poe
he distinctly remembers it…
that while the embers were burning on his floor
casting their ghoulish shadow, there was a knocking
at his door… it started off innocent at first,
y’know… a little gentle tapping… right?
A little rapping, ehh?
You like to rap, do ya?
But no… you weren’t satisfied with a little knock-on-the-ole-door
you had to come in didn’t ya?
Yea… that’s right, an uninvented guest
you… Son of a Bitch!”
“Listen Officer melo-drama, OK.
I don’t know what you’re talking about… and I want
to speak to my lawyer.”
“Yea, well you’re going to be speaking to my foot up your ass
if you don’t start telling me the truth!”
“OK, OK. Yes, I was in Edgar Allan Poe’s house alright,
but dude… come on man, he let me in!”
“Yea, well… that’s not what he says…”
“Come on man, it’s right in the poem!
He was curious! He thought I represented his ehh…
dead wife or whatever, y’know Lenore?”
“I don’t have time for poems.
I’m too busy locking up scumbags like you!”
“Whoa dude… come on man, let’s take it easy OK.
I’ve done-nothing wrong.”
“Save it for someone who cares, jail-bird!”
“Come on dude… take it easy.”
“That’s right, Raven. They’ll have you bending-over
beak-wards… if you know what I’m saying?”
“You mean, they’ll be fucking me in the ass?”
“That’s exactly what I’m saying!
Yes, they will be fucking you in the ass.
Now, I’ll give you one last chance…
admit guilt, and I’ll see what I can do to help.”
“OK, OK… I might have… over-stayed my welcome
a little bit, OK? I might have freaked the guy out alright?
But come on man, he was… he was unstable
to begin with OK? Come on dude, let’s be reasonable
here? OK? This guy spends all day writing
stories and poems about dead-chicks OK,
come-on. Who told on me, ehh?
Was it that Tattle-Tale Heart ehh?
Oh yea, he tells it all does he?
Marches to the beat of his own…
well… to his own heart-beat ehh?
Come on man, let’s just… come on…
I can’t! I can’t do it! I can’t go to jail!
They’ll eat me alive in there!
I want to live!
I want to spread my wings!”
“Oh don’t worry, Raven…
they’ll help you spread your…
Screw you Edgar Allan Poe
and your amusing but dark stories.
I curse the day I ever flew into your
“Shhh…. it’s OK Raven…
it will all be OK…”