I do fasten to this rock
in unbreakable bonds
here in the dark desolate
of the Caucus region
which is somewhere in Asia…
I’m actually not sure,
but nevertheless you Prometheus
are to be harnessed with a…
well… with a harness of sorts
chained with chains
roped with ropes
tied down with…
well with ropes
for you have stolen the fire of the Gods
and given it to mankind
and so disobeyed the rule of Zeus!”
“I accept this decision
to be so enslaved on this rocky cliff.”
“Yea, I mean… I did disobey Zeus.”
Wow, well… I really thought you were
going to put up more of a protest?”
“No, I get it.
I was wrong.”
“Yea, but I mean…
Really, you’re being tied up all the way out here,
Prometheus, that’s really extreme, don’t you think?”
“O sure. Of course it is.
But ehh… you win some you lose some.”
“Yes, but the winds! The howling winds!
And the sun! The scorching sun!
And the rain! The pleasant rain,
though sometimes it can sting,
and then its not as pleasant…”
“I know. It’s OK though. I’ll manage.”
I’m really not sure you understand.
You are being overly-punished
for a noble act
you giving mankind the gift of fire.
And now you must sit here tied to this rock
in agonizing pain indefinitely
all because of the capricious nature
of your past ally Zeus.”
“Yea, I get that.
Y’know, life is about the little things.
You’ve got to make the best of what you’ve got,
those moments where you can just put on a smile, y’know?”
“Prometheus, you aren’t Jewish are you?”
“Nevermind. Alright then, well good luck to you,
umm… I hope you retain your positivity
here in the freezing desolate waste-land
and umm… by the way, I’m sure you know this
but there will be a large bird that is going to eat
your liver on a daily basis…”
“Mmmm… wait what?”
“O yea, there’s going to be a large bird
that’s going to ehh… eat your liver on a daily basis.”
“Whoa… whoa… what?”
“Yea, see there’s this bird right?
And while you’re lying here in agonizing pain
tied to this ehh… rock, he, or she
I don’t know the exact gender of the bird
let’s go with she to be more politically correct…
“She” is going to be eating your liver.”
“Wait… I didn’t read anything about a giant bird
consuming my vital organs…”
“Right my liver… that’s what I meant when I said
“Yea, I… don’t really like the way that sounds?”
“You mean you are concerned about
the deep-seated pain of having your liver
consumed on a daily basis?”
“No, I just don’t like how it sounds.
The liver-eating itself is fine. I mean,
I’m already tied up to this rock, or crag,
or what-ever you want to call it…
It’s just the sound of it, y’know everyone’s going to be saying
“Look at Prometheus, on that Rock…
having his liver eaten out by a giant She-bird…”
it hits the ear wrong.”
“Well, do you have any suggestions?”
“I don’t know, what about “The Snake Suckled
on my Succulent Sternum-meat?”
“Ehh… yea you’re right. I don’t know.
Y’know what it’s fine. Bird eating away my liver
for eternity, that’s fine.
Beggars can’t be choosers, ehh?”
“Well, Prometheus, hey… y’know just because Zeus
is horribly turning against you and torturing you
with infinite cruelty, ehh… that doesn’t mean he
might not make some sort of quirky change if you like?”
“Ehh… my head hurts. Y’know I can’t think well
what with the being tied to this ehh… rock here,
y’know I like to be in my office with the chair
and the pen and paper and some nice ambient music,
to get the juices flowing y’know?”
“Sure, of course. That sounds nice.”
“Yea, I mean I’m really being put on the spot here.
I’m on the spot… on the rock… it’s ehh…
not the best creative environment.”
“Well, alright. Anyways, Prometheus,
you should know that a woman who has been
turned into a bull, also by Zeus, as another unjust punishment
will be visiting you during your unfortunate lying-here situation.”
“O a visitor?”
“Yea.. Io this girl, she was lusted after by Zeus
so Hera naturally, Zeus’s wife, well… I don’t have to tell you this
you know who Hera is.”
“Yes, of course.”
“Right, well… Hera she was jealous and consequently
had Zeus take the girl and turn her into a bull
who has to now roam the Earth endlessly
plagued by a gadfly.”
“You mean Socrates?”
“No. He is the gadfly of Athens.
There is more than one gadfly in the world.”
“Ahh, so some other gadfly?”
“Is this other gadfly also a philosopher?”
“No. It is a fly.”
“Right, well anyway she’ll come and tell you about her troubles
though of course as a God you know her troubles better than her
so you can talk about that with her, and empathize based
on your own struggle… and make a day of it.
Enjoy the weather.”
“OK, well… that’s it, so… I will see you later.”
“Yea, I guess so. I’m not going anywhere.”
“No, I suppose you’re not.
May your unbounding resilience serve you well
like a rock, may your spirit still lift high, like a bird
and may you filter through life’s impurities…
like a liver…”
“OK, OK… I get it.”
“And when you see Io, may she not be
too bull-headed, may she…”
“OK, OK. Let me just… stop you there.”
Goodbye Prometheus, and good luck!”
“Good luck with what?”
“Good luck with what? I’m tied to this rock,
there’s nothing I can do really…”
“Ahh… well, it’s an expression.”
“Yea, I mean I’ve never been the best
with formalities. Y’know, Prometheus,
it’s like when you’re at a dinner party
and some couple starts talking to you
about this new rug they bought
and you’re supposed to care,
you’re supposed to care!
Well… at least you’re supposed to pretend
to care… y’know?”
“Right, well… I never can care.
I just can’t get into it.
I mean sure, OK, they have a new rug
or carpet or whatever it is,
and I’m sure within their little
domestic space that’s a “big deal”
but y’know I have my own life, right?
I mean today I’m tying you to this rock
for all eternity… tomorrow I may be doing
So why am I supposed to care about
It’s their rug!
It’s not like its my rug…
they’re not telling me about a rug they
bought for me, y’know what I mean?”
“Yea… I get it.”
“Right, OK. Well, look at me…
I’m rambling. No, but seriously
you’re in an unpleasant situation
with the being tied to the rock and all,
so let me just go and ehh…
and we can move on with our lives,
I mean I will move more than you
naturally, as I am not tied to a rock,
but y’know what I mean, again… it’s an expression.
I’m really not good with these expressions
I guess… the foot it always ends up in my
mouth, and then I chew on it,
and I get stomach acid buildup…
and then I need to get a prescription…
it’s a whole thing.”
“Please leave me here.
I would rather be alone
than listen to your insane stupid blathering.”
OK… Goodbye Prometheus, may you…”
“Just go. Seriously.