George Washington and the Cherry Tree

“Hey Georgy, Georgy Boy”

“Oh, hello.”

“What’s going on? My man.
My man George.
George Washington
First president of the United States
how you doing?”

“Oh, I’m doing quite well thank you.”

“My man, Georgy Boy.
Good to see ya, good to see ya.
How are things?
How are things with you?”

“Oh, things are good.
Things are going quite well, thank you.”

“Georgy, Georgy Boy.
My man. Going well, going well.
Georgy boy. Everything’s going fine for ole Georgy.

Well, that’s good.
That’s good man.
Hey listen, there was something I wanted to ask you about.”

“Why yes, of course.”

“Yea, I heard there’s this tale about you and a cherry tree
and that it represents your fine esteemed qualities
and virtues as a human being.”

“Oh, you must mean the story of how I chopped down a cherry tree
and my father he didn’t know what had happened.
Is that what you’re referring to?”

“Yea, Georgy, I think that is the tale. Indeed,
tell me, would you be so kind as to re-tell it to me in full
so I may see your majestical personal qualities
for myself, straight from you, as it were,
as it seems, yes, I do believe.”

“Umm, well sure. OK, so there was this Cherry Tree
in my father’s orchard, and I came with my axe
and I uhh cut it down. He then came out and saw that and
was quite irate and he asked me who had done it
and I could have lied, I could have,
I’ve lied before, small things, having knocked up a woman
here or there, or stealing from peasants,
enjoying a nice cup of British tea, ya-de-ya-da…

but anyways, on this particular occasion, I told my father that I did it
risking being belted and flogged and put in the stocks
and consequently ummm nothing happened.”

“Georgy boy, OK, let me get this straight.
So, you chopped down your father’s cherry tree,
and then when he asked you you told him it was you.”

“Mmmm…. yea”

“And… this is supposed to show you are some wonderful guy?”

“Well, as I said, I could have lied. But I didn’t.
I cannot tell a lie.”

“Georgy, Georgy boy, what are you kidding me here?
You said you’ve told lies before, you just didn’t lie in this one instance.”

“Well, technically your right, but I was very brave.”

“Yea, yea, yea… listen, you chopped down the tree,
kind of an asshole thing to do, right?
So, OK, you told your Dad you did it…
it doesn’t sound all that impressive to me.

I cheated on my wife with my sister,
and I told her, now does that mean I get my face on the dollar bill?
Am I some national hero?”

“Well, I’ve done a lot of other things to get those laudations
the whole president thing the fighting in the American Revolution thing
so on and so forth… the cherry tree is kind of like a separate thing, right?
It’s a folklore, y’know, they’re taking me and hyperbolizing
from a particular instance.”

“Georgy boy, all I’m saying is that you may have told the truth,
but only after chopping down your daddy’s tree.
That’s all I’m saying. I’m not impressed, I mean the other stuff is impressive
what with the fighting and the presiding and all that.
I’m just saying the whole lying thing, or telling the truth,
ehh… its not kosher.”

“Well, my good sir I don’t know what to tell you.
Maybe you should be beloved by an entire nation
and then people can tell made-up stories about you too.”