Genesis: a Comedy!

In the Beginning…

In the beginning
it was very dark

quite dark really

there was no light

and so God came
to
make light

and that he did
and
he did a good job

So there’s light now
and God can see what he’s doing
so he gets up
and
moves around
and
starts fixing things

He separates the sky
from the Water
the Heavens and the Earth

He plants
trees and bushes
and
makes fish and birds
and other animals

a whale
a dolphin
an alligator

and he does all this over
an indefinite period of time

it probably took a while
but metaphorically could
be understood in some sort of unit
like a day

like a half dozen days
of Creative Artistic focused work

and he looked at what he
had made

and he thought

“Y’know, this isn’t terrible.
It’s not the best thing I’ve ever done,
but it ain’t bad.”

Actually, who are we kidding
he loved it
and
so
he
called it Good

And on that Sixth day
God created Man
a
smaller version of him
but
anthropomorphicized

with legs and a head
and arms
and
a penis
and a philantrum

and he saw
the Man
who he named Adam
which means
Man

and he thought
“Now, that’s a good looking guy”

and his gaze
passed over Adam
the rest of that day

and life was Good
for God

Yes, there were no women around back then
the world was a bachelor pad
Creator and Creation
self
actualization

no women
no snakes
no

persuasion

just Being

And God said
to Adam

“Do whatever you want.
Have a good time.
Y’know what, have a great time.”

and Adam
said

“Thanks”

and it was Good

and
God
went
to take a nap.

and they lived happily
ever after

… No, i’m just kidding
that’s just the beginning
remember
the whole “in the beginning bit…”
yea
it’s going to get pretty messy

but let’s go on!

 

Ch. 1 – The Garden of Eden

So here we have Man
and he’s been Created
and
that’s great

I mean
Good Job to God
for doing
that

and the Waters and Earth
and Land and Trees
and Fowl are differentiated
which is good

but
there really isn’t much to do

I mean
there’s just not enough
to push forward
any sort of plot
or
narrative
or
character development really

So God decides to create
a Garden
like a park
for Adam to play in

and the Garden has all sorts
of fruit and seeds and nuts
and leaves and branches
and a creek a tire-swing
etc.
for Adam to play with
and
Adam
enjoys himself

he really does

i mean
its quite lovely

you could say
this paradaisical state
is really a metaphor for childhood
innocence

you could say that
running around
like Tom Sawyer
hanging out eating fruit
chillin not worrying
no sexual desires
no job
no pants

but lets move on
because
God’s going to shake things up a bit:

The first thing
God does is he creates these two trees

The first tree is the Tree of Knowledge
which presumably if you eat from
you will know things

hence it being called the Tree of Knowledge
and
second
is a Tree of Life
which is less clear exactly what would happen
since
Adam is alive already
and food like fruit gives you life-energy
but I think the idea here
is that the Tree of Life represents
immortality

either-way, God says The Garden is for You
Adam
but this is my House
and you have to live by my Rules
and I don’t want you eating from these
two Trees

so Adam says “OK,” not knowing
why God doesn’t want him
to eat from them, because he hasn’t
eaten from the Tree of Knowledge yet,
so he doesn’t know
what he’s doing really
he’s just a kid
hence the paradox

and so the seed
is planted
for future twists and turns
in our story

So then, God asks Adam if he’d
like a play-mate
and Adam says sure
and God brings him various animals
to play with
a rabbit
a turtle
a caribou?

I don’t know exactly
but
ultimately God thinks to himself

“Y’know what Adam needs,
Adam needs to get laid.
That will certainly make him happy
and not be the ruin of him
forcing me to ultimately
kick him out of the Garden.”

and so God creates
the Woman Eve is her name

Now, God also created a serpent
in this Garden
a serpent who is basically an asshole
at least
by many interpretations

for he tricks the Woman into
eating from the Tree of Knowledge
and she in turn
tricks Adam into eating
the forbidden fruit

which also has symbolic meaning
either for sin if you’re a Christian
or sexuality or x,y,z infinite eisegesis

but either way it happened
and I’m not saying its
the woman’s fault

if you think about it
God created the Trees and
told Adam not to eat from them
before
the Woman was even born
so
how can you blame her really?

and is that we’re about
anyway?

blaming other people
for their mistakes
not-even mistakes
pure acts of will
or trust

is this not a matter of trust?
Eve trusting the snake
how many of us
have fallen for snake-oil salesmen
in our own day?

But let us not moralize
but
continue with our story:

So God talks with Adam
they have a chat
a man-to-man
thing

and God’s like
“What’s the deal here?
You’ve got like 2 things
to do
and its not even things to do
its things not to do

don’t eat from this
Tree
don’t eat from that
Tree

that’s it!

You don’t even have
trash to take out
or a room to keep clean

What’s going on my Son?”

and Adam responds back

“What can I tell ya?”

“You saw what happened.
It is what it is.”

and God got that
he understood
he is omniscient by the way
and
so he
decides
to simply
extract Adam and Eve
from the Garden
so they won’t break any more rules

and consequently
and perhaps unfortunately
they now have to
work for a living

in the “real world”

while an angel
a cherubim
with a flaming sword
guards the garden
from them ever being able to return

and so
we see our tale of Genesis
the Creation of the World
of Man of Land
of Woman
there’s a snake there

even Apple

presumes a lot of human-centric
thought-process
with
some implied guilt
possibly

some particularizations of
the Divine Manifestivity

but
its a Story from a long-time ago
so
as a writer
and as readers
or listeners
we
can acknowledge it is interesting

right?

Let’s go on:

 

Ch. 2 – Cain and Abel

Adam and Eve
now
out
of the Garden

had two children
Cain and Abel

Cain was a farmer
and Abel was a shepherd

One day
Cain made an offering to God
of the sweetest fruit
he could find

organic
of course

pears grapes watermelon

Abel
being a shepherd
slaughtered one of his sheep
and offered that
as an

offering

to God

and God smelled the fragrant
sheep-fat glistening and marinating
on the embers of the fire

and
then
he looked at the fruit
and

he
went for the Meat

he accepted Abel’s offering
of meat
of flesh
of death

rather than Cain’s fruit-feast

And Cain looked at God
and said

“Really?”

the way I look at my Dad
when he eats junk food
instead of the smoothies I make

and So Cain recognizing
that God prefers death
and violence
murder
killing flesh
rather than life-giving fruit-juice
and melons

went out into the fields
the pastures
the grass-lands
and killed his brother Abel

and God was not
happy about that

And Cain said to God

“Well, what do you expect?
If you prefer death
than death
is what
you shall have”

and Cain and God parted ways
and
so
we see
these stories
pose deep questions
about
how we should live our lives

if we take
the time
to listen

 

Ch. 3 – Strange Biblical Chapter

After a long
line of geneological this-guy
and that-guy
father-son
familial relational
charting
ultimately connecting
Noah
back
to Adam

we find ourselves confronted
with a Strange Chapter

and this is that Chapter:

Humans on the earth
Women beautiful
the gods

yes the Gods
plural

many Gods
well, at least several of them
not one that’s the point here

took the women
and
had sex with them
producing off-spring

(that’s what happens)

O, and there were Giants

 

Ch. 4 – Noah and the Flood

At this point
God looked around
at all the human-people
doing this and that thing
and he thought

“Wow, these guys
are a bunch of schmucks”

There’s no other way to put it
they lie
they steal
they cheat
they murder
they take for granted the life
they’ve been given

Noah’s cool

but everyone is else
is

not

and so God decided
to destroy the World

just to kill everyone
to wipe them out
to start fresh
to erase the ole chalk-board

and so he decided
he was going to flood
the Earth

he told Noah
which was nice

and Noah and his family
made a boat

an Ark
and they brought
along the animals
Adam’s ole pals from the Garden
of Eden

and they rode it out
for 40 days and 40 nights
while
the Earth was inundated

So everyone’s dead
at this point
except Noah

and his family

and the animals

and he sends
out a dove
to find land
once the rains have stopped

and the Ark does
become grounded
and they are able to get off
the ship

and ask God his thoughts
on the whole thing

and God
says to Noah

“Well, i’ll try not to do that again”

and that’s it really
o
there’s a rainbow
symbolizing
peace or friendship
or the “covenant” with humanity
if you will

that God will “Never Again”
let his Creation be destroyed

we’ll see how that goes…

 

Ch. 5 – Noah and the Flood – take 2

and there is a second
version of the Flood
story

same basic idea
some subtle differences
or points of emphasis

which is nice
somewhat redundant
but good fodder
for added
commentary

the rainbow’s there
and Noah
we
still don’t know
his wife’s name though….